Saturday, July 11, 2009

Just for Laughs

Stop being serious, take a break and have some laughs!

Enjoy!

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A judge was punishing three men because they had committed a crime. Their sentence was a few years in the desert. He said that they could each take one thing with them. The first guy decides to take an umbrella, so that he can have shade whenever he wants. The second guy decides to take a water bottle so that he won't get thirsty. Finally, the third guy decides to take a car door. The judge asked, "Why in the world would you want to take a car door?" The man replies, "Just in case it gets hot, I can roll down the window."

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Actual Instruction Labels:

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:

Warning keep out of children.

ON A HAIR DRYER:
Do not use while sleeping.

ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
Directions: Use like regular soap.

ON A FROZEN DINNER:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.

ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP:
Fits one head.

ON TESCO''S TIRAMISU DESERT:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:
Product will be hot after heating.

ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:
Do not iron clothes on body.

ON BOOTS CHILDREN'S COUGH MEDICINE:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.

ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):
Warning: may cause drowsiness.

ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:
Not to be used for the other use.

ON SAINSBURY''S PEANUTS:
Warning: contains nuts.

ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

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Fun Things to do in an Elevator:

-- Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
-- Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
-- Collect DNA samples.--
Shave.
-- Peer into your briefcase or purse and ask, "Got enough air in there?"
-- Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
-- Meow occasionally.
-- Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
-- Start the Wave.
-- Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
-- Bring a lawn chair.
-- Say "excuse me, excuse me" while continuously pushing around a mop.
-- Exclaim in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
-- If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler, "Bad touch!"
-- Hold your cell phone to your ear the entire time, repeating, "Hello? Did I lose you? Hello? Did I lose you? Hello? I'm in an elevator. Did I lose you?

3 comments:

Michele said...

Thank you for the laughs this morning!! Reminds me of when I worked at a radio station. Our station was in an office building downtown, rather "high-brow", kind of building. Russ one of our Personalities used to get on the elevator and stand the "wrong" way, facing everyone, never saying a word it was a riot how all the other people were so uncomfortable!!
~Michele from By Your Side

Gallerie Marie said...

ha!haaaaaaaaaaa! this is so funny!

Crystal from KIZZ said...

Vewry, vewry funny my friend....i know you are sleeping now, as I write this...see you tonite...your morning1 8)

and hi Michele!